Question: I love my girlfriend but I am beginning to lose feeling for her. What can I do?

Question Asked: I love my girlfriend but I am beginning to lose feeling for her. What can I do?

This is very hard for me to explain since it all started with a dream ( a nightmare actually). I dreamed that I once cheated on my girlfriend 
and since then I've been losing attraction. Don't get me wrong, I love her, she's an amazing woman but lately I'm scared of my own feelings 
towards her like something is pushing me to end the relationship, which is the thing I don't actually want. Before that, I was actually lookin
forward moving with her and be with her by all means but now it's like I can't feel that same way, like I've gotten used to her so much.. We'redating for almost 9 months now, could it be that the "butterflies" at the beginning of the relationship be replaced with more real life 
feelings?I love her so much but I'm scared of all these negative thoughts i sometimes wish there was black and white but for me it's not. She'svery  attractive, beautiful, smart, funny, all of these things it makes me feel scared and even cried when i think about what is missing. I 
don't want to move on to another girl because I love her, it's just that I can't or I don't know anymore how to maintain the same feelings I'vehad at the beginning. Anyone dealt with the same thing here? And no, I don't want to break up, I'm just scared. please help!!

Answer From Robyn:

It is awesome that you are reaching out. A few things come to mind for me, first of all, unfortunately the butterfly "I'm so in love with you" feelings don't stay forever. Once those are over it turns into deep down love and respect of the person that you are with. There are things 
that you can do to keep the juice alive though. 

One of our human needs that we have to have is Uncertainty otherwise known as Variety. Now this doesn't mean a variety in partners but variety in your relationship. When a couple gets into routine with each other it dulls the passion. Couples really need to consistently do things that thrill, juice, or fulfill their partner. This could be keeping your partner's love tank full by the different love languages, or it can be 
surprise dates, sexy outfits, flowers or whatever. From what I have seen and experienced is after a while of being together, couples don't 
make-out any more unless they are having sex. If, for example, instead of the routine peck on the lips I Love You kiss goodbye in the morning, if there was a quick but passionate kiss in the morning, both of your days will be much brighter, wouldn't you agree?

When people are in dating mode, they purposely impress the other person. They dress nice, they open the doors, they do fun things to make sure they have a great time. After they have been together a while, the courting rituals slow down and usually stop. It would only be natural for 
the juicy feelings to slowly dull out. Right?

A couple of things that you can do is to sit and remember what melted your heart with this girl. I have no doubt that in the beginning you 
couldn't wait to see her again and you thought of her all day. Think about those feelings and really feel them all over again. Know looking 
back at that time and now, what have you stopped doing and what has she stopped doing to juice each other? Talk to her and tell her that you 
want to do those things again. If you two are on purpose, you can fall in love every day. Relationships just like life have to be worked on andgrowing or they are dying. You can't put the car in neutral and expect to get to your destination.

Another thing that you can do, since people will do more to avoid pain then they will to gain pleasure, is you can imagine that she just told 
you that she was leaving you. She wasn't happy any more. Really experience this happening, feel it. If you have ever had a heartbreak before, 
you know that you will start wanting her back more than anything else. You will think about what an amazing person she is and it kills you to 
think about her being with someone else. You will think about all of the mistakes and you will kick yourself in the ass for letting her go. 
Really feel this experience. Now write her a letter telling her from your core how you really feel about her, apologize for any mistakes that 
you have made, how you think you two can get those amazing feelings back, etc. If you are ok with her breaking up with you, then you will know that she probably is not the right person for you. 

I really hopes this helps.

This question was asked and answered on Quora.com.

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